How Not to Network like a typical MBA?

Here is how not to do coffee chats just to get a referral. By focusing on genuine connections, you can create impactful networking experiences that can lead to jobs organically!

Kate Li

Mar 03, 2025

Transcript

Hey there 👋Welcome to my newsletter for young career ladder climbers! I get coffee chat requests every week about my career journey in tech. Let's face it – it can feel awkward and transactional.

⭕Transactional mindset: I see many fellow MBAs measure the impact of coffee chats with number of referrals

✅Growth mindset: I measure the impact by personal growth and learnings.

In this post, you will learn how to approach a coffee chat with a growth mindset.

Cutting the fluff and asking for tough love
Let your connection take the wheel
What is a good coffee chat vs. What is not

Cutting the fluff and let your connection take the wheel

Two things to cut or reduce airtime on are
1. Your back story and get to the main question you have or area of advice you need.
2. The sales pitch of your personal background. No one enjoys a transactional chat

Cutting the fluff in networking helps you engage in meaningful, direct conversations.

While it’s perfect normal to give your self-intro, keep it straightforward with “ I’ve been in marketing for 4 years and looking to transition into tech strategy. Do you have any advice?”

This allows your connection to ask follow-up questions for your back story if they wanted to. More often than not, they’ve been in your shoes and have a good idea of what sort of advice to provide.

Ask open-ended questions to gauge their interest and then dig deep

Try questions like:

"How do you manage the high stress of carrying a sales OKR?"
"What's been your biggest challenge in transitioning to a people manager role?"

By allowing our connections to guide the conversation, we should get a sense of what our connections are interested in discussing by posing one or two open-ended questions. Rather than assuming what they’d like to hear, we can gauge that by what discourse they spent more time discussing with us.

For example, When moving to NYC for my first job, I asked an alum for broad early adult life advice. Her response? "Go date 50 guys." 😳By being honest about my nerves and seeing her as a mentor, not just an Amazon hotshot, our chat went way beyond career talk.Cutting the fluff and asking for tough love

It’s okay to be real. You might just get advice that changes your life – and not just your LinkedIn profile or resume.

These questions show you're genuinely interested and give the other person a chance to open up about their experiences. Trust me, your LinkedIn connections will appreciate the opportunity to share their challenges and feel understood. They are real people too, not just their job titles.

Asking for tough love

Seeking feedback is one of the most efficient ways to grow. Asking for their feedback?) Asking for a referral will not help you improve. We can, however,

Offer to be challenged. If you are just starting to network, it’s okay to ask your connection how they think this chat went at the end of each chat
Ask how you can revise and update your resume (and if your connection thinks you are good fit, they might offer to refer you anyways)
Inquire about industry challenges and trends (internalize new knowledge for personal learning but you will also sound smarter when you interview with people in this industry later)

Personal Story: I did not get into my first job with a referral but I leveraged learnings from my coffee chats with people in the industry.
One alum with 10+ years of working experience reviewed my resume line by line live and provided actionable feedback. This improved my straight-out-of college resume by 10x
Another recommended reading “Business of Fashion”. I later on quoted a beauty brand case study from it and impressed my interviewer when we discussed industry trends and how to apply it.

I challenge everyone to learn from your coffee chat what your versions of “resume review” or “business of fashion” are. You might be pleasantly surprised.

What is a good coffee chat vs. What is not

Imagine two MBA students coffee chatting with you:

⭕MBA 1

Asks all the standard career path questions
Inquires about your company culture
Compliments you on how much they admire your, your success and your company
Asks for a referral at the end of the first coffee chat

✅MBA2

Asks about key career growth questions that aren’t obvious from your LinkedIn
Thoughtfully crafted hypothesis around biggest challenges your firm is facing and how your role is involved
Listens and shows interests in following up on your response
Asks if you’d take a look at their resume with any tactical tips

If a job opens up on your team, which one would you choose? I would personally gravitate towards MBA2 giving all else being equal. MBA1 might be a perfect good candidate for a role but run of the mill coffee chat won’t intrigue me to learn more about MBA1 as a person. Here's why:

Depth of Preparation: MBA2 has clearly done their homework. They've gone beyond surface-level information available on LinkedIn, showing initiative and genuine interest in understanding the role and company.
Strategic Thinking: By formulating hypotheses about company challenges, MBA2 demonstrates analytical skills and business acumen. This proactive approach suggests they'd be a valuable asset in problem-solving scenarios.
Long-term Perspective: Instead of asking for an immediate referral, MBA2 seeks resume advice. This shows they're focused on personal growth and building a relationship, not just securing an immediate opportunity.
Value Addition: MBA2's approach suggests they're thinking about how they can contribute to the company, rather than just what they can gain. This mindset is invaluable in a team member.