How Not to Sound Too Harsh with Your Direct Reports

Have you ever found it challenging to discuss why performance is lagging or to delegate tasks without sounding too harsh? Here are my tips as a new people manager!

Have you ever found it challenging to discuss why performance is lagging or to delegate tasks without sounding too harsh? As a people manager for just over a year, I've learned the delicate balance between being direct and empathetic. In the last post, we talked about reporting on poor OKR progress to cross-functional teams. In this situation, as a people manager, I’d also need to make sure that my direct reports know what’s going on and what actions are required of them to help us get back on track. Some people might be tempted to pose questions like “Why’s progress slow within the cohort of clients you serve?” or communicate the action required directly: “I need you to work harder on improving menu photo coverage so more customers will click and order.”

I Recommend 3 Steps:

1. Create a Manual for Working Together from the Get-Go

   • Why? As managers, we want our direct reports to feel heard and like they belong. It’s easy for a direct tone to sound like blame or for a simple question to sound like strong doubt.

   • I never really had a “ways of working” conversation until my most recent gig at DoorDash. My manager, Julia, sent me a list of questions for us to chat through so we know how to best work with each other. This includes sharing each other's working styles and expectations.

   Questions Include:

   • What time of day are you most productive?

   • When do you prefer to have meetings versus heads-down time?

   • How do you like to receive feedback?

   • If you are working on a problem, do you prefer to brainstorm with the team first or work by yourself, then bring a half-baked idea to the team?

   • What would be your ideal working environment?

   • Do you like to learn by being "thrown into the water" or by getting detailed instructions?

   • How do you like collaborating with others?

   • What motivates you?

   • What makes you feel recognized and valued at work?

   • What are your expectations?

   Opportunity: Question 10 is an opportunity for the manager to share their style of expectation early on, especially if you are a straight-to-the-point poker face. By letting your team know that “I am data-driven and I will pose challenging questions. I expect you to be independent by the end of your first 90 days here, but I am absolutely here to support you and I want us to feel comfortable sharing any questions or thoughts.”

   • An easy trap is when an employee fears sharing or flagging issues they see to their manager, often driven by fear of being considered incompetent or vulnerable. As a manager, when you discuss ways of working, let’s hone in on the importance of escalation of any signs of trouble and make sure that your team feels empowered to bring them to you. As an employee, when you share your thoughts with your manager, don’t be shy about your need to feel heard/seen/recognized.

2. Offer to Listen and Help Before Handing Out Solutions

   • Another challenge is balancing “Do it yourself” and “enable your team to do it.” We have all been there. It always feels easier to handle a task by ourselves than showing someone else how to do it.

   • A manager is also a mentor and a coach. I’ve always had the luck of having managers who show me new tricks and teach me new skills. The key is listening with patience and guiding without prejudice. For example, recently, I confused one of my direct reports with an ask of building a data visualization dashboard, something he’s never done before. He started making some charts on his own and felt lost.

   Retrospectively, I should have provided more clear directions:

   • 1. Walked him through the dashboarding steps

     • Explained how to import data and generate charts

   • 2. Laid out the steps to create a dashboard

     • Created a scoping doc so we can align on all the fields and charts to be populated

   • 3. Set timelines and deadlines

     • 3 days to finalize the scoping doc

     • 7 days to review v1 of the dashboard

3. Focus on Prioritization for Your Team

   • Let’s go back to the example from Blog 1 when my OKR on sales attainment was behind target. I shared that with the team and recognized their hard work first. Then I asked about how they are spending their time lately since I want to make sure everyone is prioritizing their work as needed. As a manager, it’s my responsibility to set and align P0/P1/P2, and ask the team to adjust when needed.

   Strategies for Effective Prioritization:

   • Define Clear Criteria: Establish criteria for what constitutes P0 (critical), P1 (important), and P2 (less urgent) tasks.

   • Regular Check-Ins: I hold weekly meetings to review priorities and understand any emerging blockers or distractions.

   • Communicate Transparently: Clearly communicate any changes in priorities and the rationale behind them. This helps the team understand the bigger picture and align their efforts accordingly.

   • Empower Decision-Making: Encourage team members to make prioritization decisions within their scope, using the established criteria as a guide. This fosters ownership.

   In the days when my imposter syndrome was bad, I’d be too scared to turn down a request from anyone or to ask for a later deadline for a task in order to prioritize my true P0s. This stressed me out and led to burnout. If you or anyone on your team is feeling this way, please communicate as honestly and empathetically as you can to help them through the process. Helping your team to prioritize is a P0 for a manager.